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I am not entering since I just won the last one but here's a couple that come to mind...

Yo mama head so small she use a tea-bag as a pillow.

Yo mama so stupid when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon.

And, no, I am not talking about you, mom..... :)


I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying:
"Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed,
"Doin' just fine!"

And the other person says:
"So what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say:
"Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!"

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question.
"Can I come over?"

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell them ,
"No........I'm a little busy right now!!!"

Then I hear the person say nervously...

"Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!!!"


Your mama so greasy she sweats crisco.

A 2nd one just for fun:

What happens when you put a sneeze and a fart together...You get a snart.

(I once knew someone who experienced this live in front of Keith and I when she was talking to her boyfriend on the phone.)


Yo mama's pits are so hairy she looks like she has buckwheat in a headlock.

(to the above comment....we were confused whether to say bless you or excuse you.)

Mom B

there was a man attending the world series. He sat down and the seat next to him was empty. He looked at the man who was sitting in the next seat next to the empty one and asked him if someone was attending with him. He responded that the seat was for his wife but she had passed away. He offered his condolences and asked why he didn't ask some friend or relative to attend with him. He responded "there was no one available. They are all at the funeral."


A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My loving wife

Subject: I've arrived Date: April 6, 2006

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!

Although I have to admit I am still cracking up over Hannah's:)


Yo' mama so poor, she hangs the toilet paper out to dry!


Yo mama so skinny she hula hoops with a cheerio


A blonde is driving down the freeway in her shiny new sports car when it suddenly breaks down - she calls a mechanic who after a few minutes under the hood has it purring like a kitten - she asks him what the problem was and he says: "oh, just crap in the carburetor." How often do I have to do that?," she asks.


Wife helps out the cop

A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place:
Man: What's the problem officer?
Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.
Man: No sir, I was going 65.
Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80.
(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)
Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.
Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!
Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks.
(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)
Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.
Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.
Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt.
Man: Shut your mouth, woman!
Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way?
Wife: No, only when he's drunk.


Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat.

The driver blonde turned to her friend and said "You know - it's blondes like that that give us a bad name!"

To this, the other blonde replies "I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I'd go out there and drown her."


A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over and asks, “Where have you been?”
“I've been to the pub,” slurs the drunk.

“Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you've had quite a few.”

“I did alright,” the drunk says with a smile.

“Did you know,” says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, “that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?”

“Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the drunk. “For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf.”


You might be a redneck if: You got stopped by a State Trooper. He asked if you had an I.D. and you said, "bout what?"


Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night.. whether you're here or not."


Two old ladies were driving down a busy street. They come to a red light and continue through it as if it was green. The lady in the passenger seat wonders if she was going crazy or if they did in fact go through a red light. She decides not to say anything to her friend. They come to another red light and the same thing happens - they go right through it. Again the passenger wonders, but decides not to say anything. A third time the same thing happens, they breeze through a red light. Finally the passenger says "Are you ok, we just went through three red lights in a row." The driver looks at her friend with a surprised look on her face and says "Oh shoot, I thought you were driving!"



1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be
almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember, use a

5. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are: You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.


Ok, so I just saw the rule about only posting one, but I don't think I'm the only one that posted multiple times!


A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen. He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?" The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"


Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess." "There's no need to," his wife replied. "No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!" "I know, I know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the poison work."


By the way - buffy & jasmine's entries don't belong to me.........guess who?


Oh man, I forgot! And gosh darn it, I still can't think of one. I should of tried google! So here's the only joke I have from memory.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Interrupting cow.



LAME, I know! Alright I got a couple more that I remember.

You're mama's so skinny she's only got one stripe on her pajamas.

Your mama's so skinny she has to wear skis in the shower so she won't go down the drain.


I totally missed this contest but that's okay because I only know Garrett's jokes anymore. He's warped my brain with all of knock-knock jokes. And Sam, the interuppting cow joke is one of his favorites. Too bad he can NEVER get the timing right. :)

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